The Thing Itself

Thomas Merton once described the journey of conversion as: Coming to a deeper sense of who I am, who I am called to be, and an ever-sharpening awareness of the distance between the two. That really is at the heart of our annual call to conversion during the Season of Lent. We are invited to take some time to intentionally reflect on Who I am; Who God calls me to be, and in what ways can I concretely engage in order to shorten the distance between the two?

Many of you may know, I know that the Sisters are aware of this, but about a week and a half ago, my immediate predecessor as Director of the Holy Cross Novitiate, Fr. Ken, died. When I arrived at the novitiate, nearly 5 years ago now, it became clear right away that Fr. Ken was struggling with memory issues. After having a medical assessment done he was diagnosed with early onset dementia and would need to take up full-time residence in our medical facility back at Notre Dame.

After his assessment Fr. Ken came back to the novitiate to collect his belongings and say his goodbyes. After dinner one night, while he was with us, the novices sang his favorite version of the “Suscipe” by St. Ignatius of Loyola: “Take my heart, O Lord, take my hopes and dreams. Take my mind with all its plans and schemes.” After the novices sang, I asked Fr. Ken to say a few words. He offered the following: “The Suscipe was never just a prayer for me.” He said. “I always knew it was my spiritual path. And now God is asking me to give up my mind.”

As soon as Fr. Ken finished speaking, I said to myself: “Here is the thing itself.” Fr. Ken was not projecting a posture, a persona, or a performance. He was “the thing itself.” The distance between who he was and who he was called to be was miniscule.

Merton goes on to write that conversion is fundamentally about finding the “Courage to Be.” The courage to be the woman or man God created us to be. To know who I am; who I am called to be and commit myself to work always on narrowing the distance between the two.

If you reflect on the Temptations of Jesus in Matthew’s Gospel I think you’ll discover one and the same thing. Even though the content of each temptation may be different the intended affect is the same: Evil wants Jesus to be someone, something, other than who he was created to be! Evil needs Jesus to be someone other than who he was created to be! The same is true for us. Our own temptations may be unique in content, but in the end it’s all the same. Evil tempts all of us always to settle for being less than the man or woman God created us to be. Evil needs us to settle for less in order to thwart the coming of the Kingdom.

The temptations that Satan places at Jesus’ feet: Self-Satisfaction, Self-Centeredness, and Self-Sufficiency are the same temptations we all face that seek to keep us locked in a lie and living at an increasing distance from the truth of who we are in God’s eyes. But like Jesus, and with Jesus, we are called to crush those temptations underfoot and summon, by God’s grace, the gift of the Courage to Be, to be each and every day, more fully the person God created us to be.

In terms of a scriptural image, you could envision all this, as the necessary relationship between the Mount of Temptation and Mount Tabor. Mount Tabor, where the transfiguration of Jesus occurs, where the truth, fullness, and beauty of who he is shines through the reality of his very fragile flesh, is not possible without his willingness to face the temptations and choose again and again the Courage to Be! The courage to be who he was created to be.

Each Lent we are called to intentionally re-engage the same work, that is the work of a lifetime; to come to a fuller understanding of Who I am; Who God created me to be; and set about reducing the distance between the two. The journey of Lent requires we rediscover the Courage to Be, that dwells in each of us, so we might draw closer to becoming not just a shadow or a projection but The Thing Itself!